Feeling Much Better Now, Thank God!

Guess I have slowly moved on...

Yeah, it took some time for me to realize that everything happens for a reason. It hurt badly but I told myself that I can always see good things from bad. Learned so many lessons from that experience. Now, whenever I look back, I just see the positive things out of the bad things that happened to me when I was with him. A new perspective has been born. If we just look carefully and deeply into things and try to analyze why they happened and see the good effects, then, that's the time that we will appreciate things around us.

It's true that when we try to look for things that we don't have and aren't there, we'll just turn into finding that something is wrong with what we have. When in reality, the things that we have, whether its small or big are there for us to appreciate and be thankful for. The value of something should be appreciated while they're there and not after they're gone. If we just look harder, we will see the everyday miracles around us.

Now, good thing I'm not feeling heavy hearted. I can definitely say that what happened to me was my life lesson saying that I have to stop and slow down for awhile and learn to value the blessings that God has given me. He really works in ways human cannot comprehend. So, it's really His will that should be done and in His time...not ours. He has His own plan for all of us. We just have to submit ourselves and follow His plan because no matter what do we with our lives, in the end, it's still His will that will overrule everything. Those were the lessons that I've learned and I'm so grateful that despite the hardship that I've been through in life, He's still so good to me that He always gave me the chance to be a better person and live a meaningful life.

One Painstaking Process

Mending my broken heart...

I never thought it was this hard. This means one thing - I really loved that guy. I know it's gonna take some time but I'm positive that I can go through this. I can't get over him. But, I have to fight it back otherwise I'm gonna end up miserable and unhappy. Things change, friends leave, partners break up but life doesn't stop there. Those things can't stop me from living a life that is happy, fruitful and meaningful.

Starting to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. Don't wanna shed a single tear anymore. We're not meant to be. The relationship didn't work out. Even if we tried to work it out, it wasn't successful. I'm guilty of a lot of stuff that messed up the relationship. Well, I think letting go of him and moving on is the best thing that I can do. Don't wanna over analyze things anymore. I'm done. I've had enough. Gotta get myself together and get back on track. Yeah, I really have to do that or should I say must do that.

If there's one thing that I have learned from him, it's the fact that we cannot just take a person for granted especially if they love you. In the end, one might regret doing it.

It's Over

Well, after a month and ten (10) days when he gave up on me, the love that I once had was gone. I learned a lot of things from him. He taught me how not to take a person for granted. I learned from him how to value one's feelings. After knowing that he didn't feel anything for me anymore really hurts. It hit me hard when I heard from him that he wasn't in love with me anymore and gave up on me. He apologized and said sorry but I don't know really if I was the one who messed the relationship up or the situation that we're in. It's hard for me to analyze but I'm done thinking what went wrong. Going back to the things that went wrong will just bring more pain and I don't know if can bear pain anymore 'coz I've had enough.

I loved and still love him. But, there's nothing I can do to win him back if in the first place he was the one who gave up on us. I was so glad that he became part of my life. That, I was so thankful for. He might not be the man for me but I love him so much that I was ready to take the risk and consequences but it will never work out. He's into someone right now. It hurts so bad that when I looked at him, I felt like crying but still I held my tears. Honestly, I didn't want him see me shed some tears. I can definitely say that I loved him and was grateful that I've shared my feelings for him. All the things and gestures that he has done for me were truly appreciated and never had I thought that those little sweet stuff would make me miss him so much.

All I can do or should I say have to do is to cherish the memories that we shared. Holding on to memories, good or bad, will make me sad but that's part of loving. I got hurt badly but that made me realize how much I loved him. It was too late to say sorry but I told him how sorry I was for being so self-centered and coward when I felt that I was falling for him. I tend to run away whenever I feel I fall for someone. It was so selfish of me to think that way. All I thought was "me. me, me" and gave little attention to what he had to offer. He gave me love and all I thought was he was just after the other thing...the sensual thingy when all those time he was giving me genuine love.

I guess it's too late now when I realized how much he means to me. He drifted away and chasing him now will make him drift away farther. Way to farther that it's impossible to reach him. That's the price that I had to pay for being coward when it comes to love. But, I learned my lesson. Never ever take a person for granted. When one is willing to give love, reciprocate it with love and not doubts. I taught him how to be wise when it comes to love but it backfired on me. At least he learned something from me. I even gave him a piece of advice on how to value a woman and I hope that he's gonna be happy with that woman. I just wanted him to be happy even if it means that I have to let him go. Letting go doesn't mean that I gave up on him. It just means that I love him so much that I'm willing to set him free to find love. It stings a little but pushing for the love that I cannot have will bring agony and pain which I can no longer bear.

I thank God for giving him to me and he's now part of my life. That's all I can hold onto right now. I don't know what's it's gonna be. Will I move on fast? Will I can get over him easily or is it gonna be a long and painstaking process that I had to go through? Whatever it is, bottom line is I have to move on. I can't dwell on the past because I will never be able to move on if I'll do that. I loved him and for me that's enough motivation to keep on moving. I might look back sometimes but I must think of the future. I have to learn how to live without him. He gave me the best time ever when we share some moments.

I can do this. I can move on. Better start picking up the pieces of my broken heart. Make it whole again so when the right man comes along, I'll be ready to give love without hesitations and doubts. Just need to believe in myself and have a positive outlook in life and love. Nothing is impossible if I just believe that I can move on. I can do this and little steps can help me move forward. So much lessons from this experience. I learned a lot from him. I love him but I have to say goodbye for good. Truth hurts and reality bites and there's no way I can turn my back on it coz I really have to face it no matter how cruel the situation is. That's the irony of life and I have to deal with it.

Already Gone

Soooo confused!!!

I really am pissed right now. Actually, it started 3 days ago. I couldn't think of a reason why he is starting to drift away. Why do guys have a hard time saying "it's over"? On the contrary, girls usually don't know when to say it. He's driving me nuts, honestly.

Love can be so cruel sometimes. I took the risk, loved him and gave my best to make the relationship work out but nothing seemed to be working for the two of us. I'm so done thinking what went wrong. I just have to deal with the fact that "it's never gonna work out" between the two of us. It may sting a bit because reality bites and sometimes it really hurts.

I finally gave up on us. I can't take it anymore. The longer I hold on to him, the more I will punish myself. Don't wanna prolong my agony. Hoping it would be fix is like seeing the sea dry out. It's impossible. No matter what I do, I think there's no way to work out the relationship. I can't just waste time thinking and analyzing what went wrong. Just gonna accept it and move on.

Moving on seems hard for most of the people I know but for me I guess it's not. The reason why it's gonna be easy for me to move on is because I don't invest too much in a relationship. I mean, when I love someone, I see to it that there's love and respect left to myself. That's one of my secrets. All I know right now is that I got to move forward and continue with my life without him. Easy for me to say but maybe it's gonna be hard to do.

Tired But Happy!

I have been very busy these past few weeks. So busy that sometimes I forget to pamper myself and have my "me time". Though I was busy, I can still say that I'm enjoying a lot in what I do. That's what counts and matters to me. As long as I'm happy, I can deal with the stress that comes with my job. I love what I do sooo much! One friend told me that I'm becoming "workaholic". I don't see anything wrong with that. However, the catch is that I'm forgetting to allot time for myself. They were the ones who kept telling me to "slow down a bit gurl, you're working too much" and they made me realize that yup I do really need to slow down. But, I can't help it. I like what I do.

No matter how busy and tired I am, I get the fulfillment in what I do. I guess that's how it goes when you really love what you do. I am happy most of the time. My career makes me so happy that I can't see myself going or venturing into another field. Love teaching so much. Nothing can hinder me to pursue my career in the academe. This is my calling and my passion is so intense that every negative things that come my way will not hinder me from doing my vocation. I believe that if you really put yourself in what you do, you can never go wrong. It seems that everything follows. I really am fulfilled now that I appreciate and value the career path that I have chosen.

Sweet Loooove...

My guy and I kissed and made up! How sweet! I was so surprised to see how he really wanted everything to be fine between the two of us. It was very much appreciated. We made sure all is fine. He and I set some records straight. We talked about our differences and how we should compromise to avoid fights.

I told him he always picked a fight and that it was so pathetic to pick a fight out of nonsense things. He told me that, as a partner, it's my responsibility to let him know what's goin on with me. We may have different POVs and sometimes we clash but that doesn't mean we cannot compromise and meet halfway.

Well, finally, everything is alright now. Thank God we were able to see how much we both wanted the relationship to work out and grow.

Resolved Issues at Work

Today, I felt great. Though our faculty meeting took 3 1/2 hours, it was all worth it. We discussed school activities and all. After that, we had an open forum. It was really intense at first but after airing out our concerns and side of the story about a particular faculty member's misdemeanor, everything went well.

It was really a relieved for all of us because we we're able to pinpoint what the cause of the conflict was. It was miscommunication. There was a misinterpretation of the gesture of one teacher towards another. Generation gap was a big factor. The one who was misbehaving and acting inappropriately was much older than we are. So, she couldn't easily get our ideas. In short, we were not jiving at all.

This, I couldn't get off my mind, she told me (and I quote) "You're so honest. Sometimes, you have to do some dirty jobs at work, just make sure you wouldn't get caught." Coming from an elderly, it was a really shocking for me. I mean, I was not raised by my parents to be dishonest. So, at the meeting, I told her that her statement was really disappointing and vague as well.

She explained her side very well so it was all good. She clarified why she has said that. But, my point is, she shouldn't have told that to me. I mean, I expect to hear words of wisdom from her because she had experienced a lot of things in life, unlike me, who just lived in this world for 28 years. But, age is not an issue here, there are people who are young but think maturely and behave properly. As they say, if there's is nothing good coming out of your mouth just keep it shut - less talk less mistake. Words that we say reflect what kind of person we are.

That teacher and I had a conflict to. At one point, I raised my voice to her. It was inapproriate to raise your voice to an older person. I admit it, I was really wrong there. But, there are times or situations that you cannot hold your emotions so they just burst out. When we got to talk, I apologized because I was wrong. I told her that I had a bad and long day and was sorry that I took it out on her at the end of the day. As a person, I know where I stand. If I know I'm wrong, I won't hesitate to make the first move to apologize. But, if I know I'm right, I'll fight for it and stick to what I believe in.

Overall, I was satisfied with how the meeting came out. Differences were resolved and issues were well discussed in a democratic way. So, everybody had a chance to say what's on their mind regarding the conflict that we had. I guess, all of us were gonna be civil to her whenever she approaches us (coz that's how I am with her right now - even after our conflict). However, on my part, I will not initiate to talk and get close to her. I'm going to be civil though. That's the best thing that I can do for now. Though, issues were resolved, I doubt that we will be able to be close to her. Lesson learned - don't assume or anticipate someone's gesture and come up with your own conclusion because everything will be in discourse and conflict will rapidly arise.