Mending my broken heart...
I never thought it was this hard. This means one thing - I really loved that guy. I know it's gonna take some time but I'm positive that I can go through this. I can't get over him. But, I have to fight it back otherwise I'm gonna end up miserable and unhappy. Things change, friends leave, partners break up but life doesn't stop there. Those things can't stop me from living a life that is happy, fruitful and meaningful.
Starting to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. Don't wanna shed a single tear anymore. We're not meant to be. The relationship didn't work out. Even if we tried to work it out, it wasn't successful. I'm guilty of a lot of stuff that messed up the relationship. Well, I think letting go of him and moving on is the best thing that I can do. Don't wanna over analyze things anymore. I'm done. I've had enough. Gotta get myself together and get back on track. Yeah, I really have to do that or should I say must do that.
If there's one thing that I have learned from him, it's the fact that we cannot just take a person for granted especially if they love you. In the end, one might regret doing it.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
It's Over
Well, after a month and ten (10) days when he gave up on me, the love that I once had was gone. I learned a lot of things from him. He taught me how not to take a person for granted. I learned from him how to value one's feelings. After knowing that he didn't feel anything for me anymore really hurts. It hit me hard when I heard from him that he wasn't in love with me anymore and gave up on me. He apologized and said sorry but I don't know really if I was the one who messed the relationship up or the situation that we're in. It's hard for me to analyze but I'm done thinking what went wrong. Going back to the things that went wrong will just bring more pain and I don't know if can bear pain anymore 'coz I've had enough.
I loved and still love him. But, there's nothing I can do to win him back if in the first place he was the one who gave up on us. I was so glad that he became part of my life. That, I was so thankful for. He might not be the man for me but I love him so much that I was ready to take the risk and consequences but it will never work out. He's into someone right now. It hurts so bad that when I looked at him, I felt like crying but still I held my tears. Honestly, I didn't want him see me shed some tears. I can definitely say that I loved him and was grateful that I've shared my feelings for him. All the things and gestures that he has done for me were truly appreciated and never had I thought that those little sweet stuff would make me miss him so much.
All I can do or should I say have to do is to cherish the memories that we shared. Holding on to memories, good or bad, will make me sad but that's part of loving. I got hurt badly but that made me realize how much I loved him. It was too late to say sorry but I told him how sorry I was for being so self-centered and coward when I felt that I was falling for him. I tend to run away whenever I feel I fall for someone. It was so selfish of me to think that way. All I thought was "me. me, me" and gave little attention to what he had to offer. He gave me love and all I thought was he was just after the other thing...the sensual thingy when all those time he was giving me genuine love.
I guess it's too late now when I realized how much he means to me. He drifted away and chasing him now will make him drift away farther. Way to farther that it's impossible to reach him. That's the price that I had to pay for being coward when it comes to love. But, I learned my lesson. Never ever take a person for granted. When one is willing to give love, reciprocate it with love and not doubts. I taught him how to be wise when it comes to love but it backfired on me. At least he learned something from me. I even gave him a piece of advice on how to value a woman and I hope that he's gonna be happy with that woman. I just wanted him to be happy even if it means that I have to let him go. Letting go doesn't mean that I gave up on him. It just means that I love him so much that I'm willing to set him free to find love. It stings a little but pushing for the love that I cannot have will bring agony and pain which I can no longer bear.
I thank God for giving him to me and he's now part of my life. That's all I can hold onto right now. I don't know what's it's gonna be. Will I move on fast? Will I can get over him easily or is it gonna be a long and painstaking process that I had to go through? Whatever it is, bottom line is I have to move on. I can't dwell on the past because I will never be able to move on if I'll do that. I loved him and for me that's enough motivation to keep on moving. I might look back sometimes but I must think of the future. I have to learn how to live without him. He gave me the best time ever when we share some moments.
I can do this. I can move on. Better start picking up the pieces of my broken heart. Make it whole again so when the right man comes along, I'll be ready to give love without hesitations and doubts. Just need to believe in myself and have a positive outlook in life and love. Nothing is impossible if I just believe that I can move on. I can do this and little steps can help me move forward. So much lessons from this experience. I learned a lot from him. I love him but I have to say goodbye for good. Truth hurts and reality bites and there's no way I can turn my back on it coz I really have to face it no matter how cruel the situation is. That's the irony of life and I have to deal with it.
I loved and still love him. But, there's nothing I can do to win him back if in the first place he was the one who gave up on us. I was so glad that he became part of my life. That, I was so thankful for. He might not be the man for me but I love him so much that I was ready to take the risk and consequences but it will never work out. He's into someone right now. It hurts so bad that when I looked at him, I felt like crying but still I held my tears. Honestly, I didn't want him see me shed some tears. I can definitely say that I loved him and was grateful that I've shared my feelings for him. All the things and gestures that he has done for me were truly appreciated and never had I thought that those little sweet stuff would make me miss him so much.
All I can do or should I say have to do is to cherish the memories that we shared. Holding on to memories, good or bad, will make me sad but that's part of loving. I got hurt badly but that made me realize how much I loved him. It was too late to say sorry but I told him how sorry I was for being so self-centered and coward when I felt that I was falling for him. I tend to run away whenever I feel I fall for someone. It was so selfish of me to think that way. All I thought was "me. me, me" and gave little attention to what he had to offer. He gave me love and all I thought was he was just after the other thing...the sensual thingy when all those time he was giving me genuine love.
I guess it's too late now when I realized how much he means to me. He drifted away and chasing him now will make him drift away farther. Way to farther that it's impossible to reach him. That's the price that I had to pay for being coward when it comes to love. But, I learned my lesson. Never ever take a person for granted. When one is willing to give love, reciprocate it with love and not doubts. I taught him how to be wise when it comes to love but it backfired on me. At least he learned something from me. I even gave him a piece of advice on how to value a woman and I hope that he's gonna be happy with that woman. I just wanted him to be happy even if it means that I have to let him go. Letting go doesn't mean that I gave up on him. It just means that I love him so much that I'm willing to set him free to find love. It stings a little but pushing for the love that I cannot have will bring agony and pain which I can no longer bear.
I thank God for giving him to me and he's now part of my life. That's all I can hold onto right now. I don't know what's it's gonna be. Will I move on fast? Will I can get over him easily or is it gonna be a long and painstaking process that I had to go through? Whatever it is, bottom line is I have to move on. I can't dwell on the past because I will never be able to move on if I'll do that. I loved him and for me that's enough motivation to keep on moving. I might look back sometimes but I must think of the future. I have to learn how to live without him. He gave me the best time ever when we share some moments.
I can do this. I can move on. Better start picking up the pieces of my broken heart. Make it whole again so when the right man comes along, I'll be ready to give love without hesitations and doubts. Just need to believe in myself and have a positive outlook in life and love. Nothing is impossible if I just believe that I can move on. I can do this and little steps can help me move forward. So much lessons from this experience. I learned a lot from him. I love him but I have to say goodbye for good. Truth hurts and reality bites and there's no way I can turn my back on it coz I really have to face it no matter how cruel the situation is. That's the irony of life and I have to deal with it.
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